MVD (Most Valuable Drunk)

The FLASB09 muskateers have (unfortunately) left our sunny beach house on the gulf shore, driven our way through the lovely fields of confederate trailer parks in Alabama, up through to the much colder and rainier cities of Tennessee, through the horse farms of Kentucky, made the horrible struggle through the smelly armpit of America, and finally have returned to the freezing temperatures of lovely Ann Arbor, Michigan. No one is dead, and no one was arrested - I'll call that a success (although both death and arrest were nearly upon us at times).

After 7 exhausting days of beach-drinking, drinking games a-plenty, and getting banned from bars, there is a plethora of tales that could be shared at this juncture. However, I would like to focus on just one man. The MVD (Most Valuable Drunk) of the trip: my good pal, Craig.

If this winner comes as a surprise to you, don't let it. As I have learned over the past 7 days, Craig is a behemoth in the world of drunks. I legitimately don't remember a day when the man woke up to have a water; instead, he chose to go on the twice-a-day drunk (for at least a majority of the days) immediately upon rising from slumber. And trust me, I think Craig was the first one up most of the days.

Some of the key moments that helped him win this award include, but are not limited to (due to blackoutness):

• One afternoon Craig was found passed out under the bunkbeds. I'm pretty sure every bed in the house was empty, but he wisely chose to venture underneath a bed.
  
• The man brought home a girl from the bar at about 2:30 a.m., looked around the house frantically for a lighter to light her cig, seemed to have sealed the deal, then blacked out. Unfortunately, we don't know if Craig did something appaling so as to scare her off or if he wooed this female underneath the bunkbeds with him.
  
• Wizard staff (I just learned this game. It involves taping all your beers together to see who has the bigger staff at the end of the night). This is kind of a compilation effort, because the staffs got so large that literally no one remembers who won the game because darkness fell over the house. But I would be willing to bet Craig's was one of the largest staffs.
• After being dared to, Craig took a full shot of nothing but salt. I saw it with my own eyes and was horrified and thrilled at the same time. Vomiting soon ensued.
  
• I spent about an hour on the beach with Craig on one of the colder days of the trip, on which he decided to boogey board. About an hour later, after we had returned to the house, I hear Craig saying something along the lines of: "I just woke up in the shower cleaning myself. I was blackout and don't even remember getting into the shower". I had to inform him of the boogey-boarding, which he also didn't remember.
  
• On the last day of the trip, I was sipping on my first cocktail of the day after nursing a gruelling hangover nearly all morning. I was sitting on the balcony when I hear Craig screaming about a jelly-fish. Apparently this drunken-hero had actually brought home a jelly-fish from the beach. Now, I was under the direct impression that any sort of contact with a jelly-fish would be severely harmful. Turns out the thing was dead, but I like to think that Craig was just too drunk to care.
  
• After the jelly-fish incident, Craig attempted to prepare himself for the bars. His sorry attempt at shaving was unrecognizable to him. Only the following day did he realize he spent an entire night at the bars with a large patch of hair on his face unshaven.
• While attempting to snag a ride home from the bars, Craig told some foreigners (I forget what they were, but definitely not Mexican): "Oh I know you guys. I have a friend from Mexico City".

More FLASB09 tales to follow, I'm sure.