Impending Doom

As an author of Irish ancestry, I feel as though I am qualified to discuss the topic of St. Patrick's Day. The University of Michigan usually celebrates the holiday on campus on the closest Saturday to the actual day of St. Patrick (this Saturday). While many find the spirit to drink during the day or to enjoy good friends, I would like to explain how St. Patrick's Day is interpreted by yours truly. An alarm has already been set on my phone for 5:30am (an entire hour later than when I started last year) for a wake up call on Saturday morning. I plan on starting the day off with a couple Guinness, but as I do not have the intestinal fortitude to drink more than 6 in a sitting I will surely move on to some lighter beverages soon after. Immediately following a series of Irish songs will be played over our speakers and surely the majority of the house will be awakened by this juncture. I plan on continuing to celebrate St. Patrick's heroic action of driving the snakes out of Ireland by drinking Green Pina Coladas. Now, I know my reader is probably a bit confused as to why I would ever to do this on St. Patrick's Day, but when a friend of yours promises to come over and "make Pina Coladas for your house early Saturday morning;" you may find yourself likely to agree with her and just have a cocktail for goodness sakes. As the day progresses, surely I will end up making my rounds to the fratastic houses around campus, whose patrons I know many of. As morning prepares to break to high noon, a BOX team will descend upon Beer Olympics where a sort of decathlon of beer games and activities between dozens of teams will take place. Upon the conclusion of this, there certainly will be a shortage of consciousness and I will probably have to engage in some sort of siesta as afternoon turns to evening; however, said nap will not occur before I make a fool of myself in front of my roommate's parents who have foolishly decided to visit on this day at around dinner time also known as my blackout time. Later that evening, an old friend has decided to throw a "Snuggies" theme party. Overwhelmed with drunkenness at this point, I will not be surprised if what is left of my dignity parades the short walk to his house dressed in a robe (seeing as how this is the nearest piece of clothing I have to a "Snuggie"). How I will accomplish these things remains a mystery to me, but I have already purchased a significant amount of energy drinks to counteract the incomprehensible amount of my favorite depressant that will be consumed. Celebrate St. Patrick's Day like an Irishman, because for God's Sake life is just a hell of a lot better when you're drunk.