Hangovers

I have an exam tomorrow. What better way to pass my time than idly dreaming of spring break. I remember one particularly intriguing conversation that several of us had, the topic being hangovers. The week in Florida was full of all sorts of hangovers, which was what inspired the subject.

Hangovers come in all shapes and sizes. They may sneak up from under your bed and grab you with surprise, or you may look yourself in the mirror while drinking and say, "man am I gonna have a mega-headache in the morning". No matter what, though, they are an unfortunate part of our society.

1. The "Andy" Hangover. The great thing about Andy is you always know when he's going to be fighting the good fight all day. The indicator comes when you arise from you're bed, walk downstairs, and you hear him groaning and barfing while he's curled up with his good friend Mr. Toiletseat. Now, I've lived with this guy for three years in college, and one thing I have come to know about this bamboozler is that he can produce immortal hangovers. I'm not talking you're average morning/afternoon headache or vom-session. No. Andy takes hangovers to the next level.

His hangovers have been known to last until midnight of that night, or even further. When I was driving home from the Notre Dame game with him this year, we had to pull over at least 4 times for him to puke on the side of the highway. I thought this was impressive. Well, on the way down to Florida Andy topped himself once again. From about 12:00 until 1:00 a.m, we stopped about 5 times once again while Andy threw up his innards all over Ohio. We actually grew worried when he literally didn't stop dry-heaving/coughing like a mad-man for a half an hour strait. Even when we made it to Florida the next day, the man was still feeling under the weather.

I'm glad I don't have these hangovers.

2. The "Zola" hangover. I'm pretty sure Zola is the only one to ever perfect this type of hangover, and I hope it is forever left on Spring Break never to be seen again.

This particular hangover, which I'm fairly certain only the likes of Zola is capable of, is a direct result of going on two-a-day bender without eating any food whatsoever. When you finally attempt to fill your body with a full rib dinner, your body will firmly tell you that this is not an appropriate way to live, and you will probably fall to the floor. You do not want this type of hangover, because it probably will prevent you from drinking or moving for the next 3 days (as it did in Zola's case).

3. The "Death" Hangover. I can't speak for anyone else on the trip, but this is the one hangover I got. The first six days of the trip, I woke up feeling great. I may have needed a glass of water to quench my parchness, but otherwise I was ready to make myself a fancy and hit the beach.

This was not the case on the last day of the trip. On this day, I woke up with the "death" hangover. It may or may not involve vomiting, rejection from your entire organ system, and a general feeling that you don't belong in the world. Even when I attempted to start sipping down some cocktails that night, it ended in me vomiting over the third store balcony.

4. The "Craig" Hangover. This is the worst of all hangovers.

Fooled you! Craig didn't get hangovers because he simply woke up earlier than everyone and began drinking.


Friends, there is a simple solution to all of these hangovers listed above: Take the craig route, fix yourself up your cocktail of choice, and sit back as everything starts to feel right in the world once more. I reccomend this: