BOX Christmas List

It's christmas time. One year ago at this time I was faced with a difficult perdicament. I was in jeapordy of being expelled from my party-hard all the time fraternity. Since me and the standards board were having routine meetings every week, it seemed inevitable that I would be forced to leave the closet that the frat-stars pretended was a room. Fortunately for me, BOX took me in. Like a lost puppy on the streets, they welcomed me with open arms and gave me a new home (well, not everyone I suppose). Thanks to BOX, I have a place I can call home sweet home this holiday season.

The past couple of days I had been stranded at the pleasant Beta Omega Chi abode by myself. Lucky for me, it just so happens that I was alone during that monthly period when we don't pay our bills and therefore do not have access to cable or internet. This left me with booze, an empty house, and hours to kill doing nothing. Thankfully, B-Russ came back to help me pass the time in inebriation. When he came back, he brought the carpet that we have all been waiting to put on our sheet of dirt that we sometimes refer to as our living room floor. The carpet looks glorious; it completely changes the atmosphere of the house. Additionally, our door locks for the first time since I've lived at the house! (No more homeless minorities stealing our belongings!) It got me to thinking. . . what else could our house use?

A BOX Christmas list, if you will:

• Cleaning ladies. Ideally, these ladies would be good-looking, good at cleaning, and also available for personal favors on the side. Particular areas of concern would be: the fridges, which I recently took a stab at cleaning before quickly realizing that it was a lost cause, the bathrooms, which now have an ominous odor to them, and our pudding-caked walls and pizza-stained windows (although I must admit, the pudding is quite the finishing touch to our house).
• A semi-finished basement. Paul and I had a conversation on the topic, and both agreed that a bar area in the basement would be good for parties. Downside: This would eliminate our alotted pledging and hazing area.
• Working sinks.
• A complete, 18-hole beer can golf course. Main attraction would obviously be the annual Old Crow Challenge Open. Course would also come with a golf cart and beer cooler.
• Life-size blow up doll of Miley Cyrus. All of our illegal fantasies could be fulfilled. Also, Zac Efron doll would be included for novelty purposes.
• Every war movie ever made. This would certainly excite Paul, while saving us the task of sitting through Gettysburg again and again.
• Underground tunnel to Campus Corner. There were undoubtedly entire weeks this summer when the only time Ross and I stepped outside was to make the tedious hike to Campus Corner. This would save us said hardships in the future.
• Full size stripper pole and dancing surface. Preferably, Zola would be forced to put on his infamous Curious George shirt and provide entertainment by working the pole at parties and tailgates.
• Ross to come back.
• Larger TV.
• Dog. or Flying Squirrel.
• Dignity.