Challenge Issued: Part II: Note on Subject

As "The Aryan" (former BOX resident and current BOX world championship title weight belt holder + world's most awesome man -- Stefan) put it, he has been living on our couch for several days (during which time he has most certainly contracted AIDS, syphillis, ghonnorea, and herpes from the couch alone) thus making him the biggest drinker in the house. Certainly, the man has sufficient grounds on which to make his claim. Not only did he dominate BOX drinking for years during his time at UofM, but he has returned with a vengeance to outdrink every human being in Ann Arbor this week. I believe he has issued a full challenge to PLC. I see no reason why this challenge should not coincide with the Danimal and I's challenge. No one ever complained about a 4 person blackout...its a fact. (PLC is certainly the best in-house drinker in terms of quantity (thusfar unchallenged), but it would certainly be fun to see a matchup between he and Stefan anyways, especially being as both of them are hilarious blackouters).

Perhaps a preface to explain how Stefan got to be in this position (I don't know how you can get more alcoholic than this): Stefan joined a large group of about 20 recent graduates of UofM in returning to Ann Arbor for the Michigan -Penn State game. All returnees enjoyed a glorious blackout friday night and certainly Saturday morning at the tailgate. This is where Stefan says that he is a better man than the other 20 people. While all of the other 20 people returned to their various homes of Seattle, New Jersey, Texas, Connecticut, the Ohio border patrol, or whatever part of the country they happened to be employed in, Stefan made a power move. (Power move: any move that facilitates excessive drinking (look it up in the dictionary, its there)).

Indeed, while most visitors were flying home or driving home, Stefan decided that he could use perhaps one more day of vacation leave, and hence he would black out all of Sunday through the night. As your author, I cannot say that I witnessed the actions that occured Sunday night. But from what I have gathered through the grape vine, I'd say the story goes somewhat like this: Dan steals chair from law quad --> Stefan blacks out --> Stefan punches solid oak law quad chair until point of destruction --> remainders of law quad chair put in street to be run over (in place of fruit in the street) --> Stefan wakes up to find that his hand is indeed broken --> Stefan promptly calls work to inform them that he cannot drive back to Philly because his hand is broken (in other words, he inform his boss that he will literally be blacking out the next 7 days of the week) --> Stefan proceeds to be the man --> Stefan and I wind up somewhere in Bumblefuck, Ann Arbor, this evening, walking home in the rain.

If you're looking for a definition of BOX, look no further than the man, the myth, the legend: Stefan aka The Aryan (he still has the weekend left, which most likely will feature the strongest blackouts yet).

p.s. from Brick again.

Challenge Issued: Part II

As you may remember from the month of July (or sometime), the once BOX resident Pete and I challenged each other for the position of second biggest drinker in BOX house. I will make no excuses for my performance in said competition. I drank a mere 2 CSI's and passed out. An abissmal performance by all accounts. Embarrassment is really the only thing that can describe how I feel about that performance.

Today the Danimal's friend from the great state of Colorado arrived and promptly admired the booze-covered household and asked, 'so who's the best drinker around here?'. While the Notorious PLC remains the unchallenged belt-holder, this ignited yet another battle for 2nd best drinker in the house. Since Pete and B-Russ are now gone (whom I will still challenge to a rematch anyday), the title of 2nd best drinker has come down to a newcomer - Dan - and myself. This time, the beverage choice has been chosen by a blackout-Dan, and it is to be Old Crow. 6 hours will determine the winner.

Let the best drinker win.

p.s. - from Brick

Man in Bear Suit at it Again

Please note the man in the bear suit, perhaps the living symbol of BOX himself:

http://msn.foxsports.com/video?vid=aa642605-6cd1-4c38-a85d-f24cfdf3e8df

That Just Happened

Soo today was one of the more interesting days I have experienced in my life. I am currently very drunk using Brick's computer to let you all know what happened today. It all started when I talked to the Zolameister at about 3.20 today. That motherfucker had just bought a Halloween three pack and I was soo excited to watch it. Good lord, no one knew what was in store. About 5 minutes later, a good man happened to call me and say my presence was required at Chucks. Unable to turn that offer down I headed there. Once I walked in, I was immediately informed I needed to order a "Shit Tooth" from the bar which is essentially a giant mason gar full of 151. After that we were chilling in the lounge when I was told that it was necessary for us to head to Deja Vu. At first I was somewhat hesitant because I had never been to a strip club before. But I deemed it was absolutely necessary because you only get a chance like this once in your fucking life. So, once we decide to go to the Vu, our buddy pulls probably the most aggressive move in history and hooks us up with the BTB party bus to drive us to Ypsilanti with numerous cocktails in hand. After chugging said cocktails we stumbled upon the glorious establishment that is Deja Vu. To be honest I think we all thought the only thing we would see were C-Section scars and bullet wounds but we were PLEASANTLY mistaken. There was a phenomenal crew out there with the exception of one girl and at least she had big tits. So we are chilling at the Vu and then I realize, "wow, I need to bomb." So I head to the bathroom and I just don't have the ability to make it to a toilet. I end up vomiting in a goddamn stall. Yes, my angel hair pasta is clearly visible in the urinal and I'm just a failure at life. To be honest, I am really hammered and this was these were the most important parts of the story so I hope you enjoyed the fact that myself and the boys just made egregious mistakes together. Live the dream folks. Live the dream.

Not a Homeless Shelter

To the person who so kindly left a large bin of food and body spray on our porch this morning: While I know that we might look like a group of vagrants -- judging by our disheveled appearances at times, our rather obvious tendency to overconsume alcohol, and our general dont-give-a-shit approach to life -- this home is not in fact a homeless shelter. Still, your concern for our well-being is much appreciated. We consumed most of the food (albeit expired food) rather quickly.

New Poll: Returning BOX Alumnus

It has officially been determined by the readers that the favorite thing to do while blackout at BOX is hazing Zola. While playing fruit in the street - a game which involves throwing basically any food (originally fruit) into State Street, and chugging your beverage when a car runs it over - putting your life in jeopardy, and breaking things were quite popular choices, hazing Zola turned out to be simply too much fun. I have a feeling that all of these things will be done this weekend.

The new poll centers on the numerous now real-world people returning this weekend for what will be an epic Penn State tailgate and game. A BOX member has gone to jail at the last two football games, and while it would be great to be able to break that streak this weekend, I'm just not sure how likely it is. Things are going to get silly.

Drink up.

7:21 a.m.

It's 7:21 a.m. and we've had three people puke and rally, have you?

7:43 update: its now five people, if you count me twice.

Worried

The Wetness Returns in Full Force!

Needless to say, the title of this post is in response to his health and mine. The celebration for this event needs to be nothing less than blackout. If you read this blog, enjoy his reinstatement to drunken debauchery with us. He wasn't suppose to drink for several more weeks, but his immune system is similar to Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando.

I miss getting so drunk that I...

Creepily attempt to braid girls hair against their will.
Wake up on Greenwood.
Ask girls on dates to the Red Lobster.
Try to fight the offensive line at Charlies.
Vomit out of my window.
Wake up in Brett's bed spooning... While there are two girls in my bed.
Show up at quickie Burger with no money.
Get naked in public.
Can't get an erection.
Don't know where I am when I wake up.
Throw a Ramen noodle party.
Eat handfuls of ground beef with Paul.
Listen to the Fray.
Fall down both sets of BOX stairs.
Almost double team a girl with Brick.
Do the inspector gadget.

An Apparent Pissing

EDIT:
But does it beat Brett pissing himself nearly 18 months ago?



-Brian

Hello Everyone

Well, since I'm goddamn near blackout I figured that this would be the finest situation to make my first goddamn post. I've been allowed to post on here for weeks and as of yet I have not so I feel somewhat guilty because of this. Well folks, I'm hammered; and after this post I'm heading to BOX to get even drunker so I'll keep things short and precise. I hope anyone who has ever gone to college has had the chance to experience the things that I have at this wonderful place called BOX. Whether it's Al and James P wearing loinclothes scaring off the star QB of our football team or Brick breaking shit in the basement after a disappointing showing I know that all I want to do is live in this dream for the rest of my life. I hope that all these readers understand what BOX stands for and that they live the lifestyle that all BOX members and a few others get down with. It's late, but I'm about to bag a couple of Busch heavy's and take the long and arduous to BOX to get blackout, and hopefully when the fellas get back we can drink more, throw in a dip, and just live the way life is meant to be lived. I love you all and hopefully I'll be able to keep you updated with the going ons at BOX and let you all understand what it is to be a man. For now, take it easy and I'm sure you all will be here for the motherfucking tailgate on Saturday when WE all get smashed and let what may be will be. Love you all and thanks to BOX for giving me permission to let you all know how I live.

Sincerely,
The Friendly Neighborhood Drunk

Drunkest Man in America

There is a never-ending game we like to play here called "Drunkest Man in America". The game is simple: at any given point in any day, you drink and drink some more in an attempt to be the drunkest man in America at that time. The best thing about the game is that you don't even need anyone to play with you, for the title of drunkest man in America is always up for grabs. The other best part about the game is that there are no losers, for even though you essentially cannot win, you will undoubtedly wind up with a high level of inebriation.

We used to have a trophy here at BOX that was given to the drunkest man in BOX house at any given time. It could usually only be won by some act of debauchery that screamed out 'I'm blackout,' but just as easily could be handed off to the next man if he could somehow top the previous man's drunken behavior. Needless to say, the trophy suffered from constant drunken destruction and soon was out of commission.

The Drunkest Man game has been utilized little so far this year, but one act that occurred this past weekend reminded me of the glory this game could bring to one, and it has inspired me to renew the Drunkest Man game to new heights. This weekend, a BOX man who will remain nameless traveled west to Iowa for the football game. After what must have been a satisfactory amount of beers, this man wound up in the local jail, where it is rumored that his .333 blood alcohol content was pronounced to be "the highest BAC blown in town that entire weekend". Surely this man is probably not proud of this honor, but I am here to be proud for him. That is the definition of winning the drunkest man trophy.

Inspired by these courageous actions, I'm going to try and renew the Drunkest Man in BOX game. I'll try to post an update after each weekend naming the award-winner for that particular weekend, and then we can tally them up for when the 1st Semester Drunk awards come out.

To give you an example: Zola won the Drunkest Man in BOX game last night, judging from how he woke up on the floor using his laundry basket as his pillow this morning.

Let the race begin.

Your Favorite Tailgate Tradition?

Amongst the many hallowed traditions sacred to the BOX house on football Saturdays, the blog readers have voted that "field goal over the street light" is the favorite of all the gameday traditions. If you are a concerned reader, do not fret. I , too, was skeptical of allowing field goals to win over "blacking out before 10:00 a.m.". However, while I myself (Brick) voted for the blackout, I truly believe that others were voting for true "traditions". Let's be honest, at BOX, blacking out is no tradition, it's ritual, everyday routine. Kicking field goals (and even Thunderstruck, Keg Laps, etd.) is exclusive to football Saturdays. In other words, blacking out is expected, but field goal kicking can only happen on the eight greatest days of the year (for you dumbasses, the eight greatest holidays of the year are the football saturdays in Ann Arbor). Therefore, I endorse field goal kicking as the greatest tradition to BOX football Saturdays.

Not only does field goal kicking above the State and Hoover street signs qualify as a true tradition, but it can also be combined with the choice of "blacking out before 10 a.m.", considering that most all field goal kicks are completed before 10 a.m. Personally, I fully endorse blacking out circa 8 or 9 a.m. and then kicking the field goal -- both worlds are pleased.

GO BLUE.

Likes and Dislikes

Since I am boring and my life is uneventful, this post is dedicated to letting everyone know exactly what my likes and dislikes are. Enjoy.

Likes:
Talons
Jaffar
Eddie Money
Breakfast Hot Pockets
Glaciers
Roosters
William Tecumseh Sherman
Kinex
Gorgonites
Galgamecks
Chisels
The Jacksonian Era
Bangkok
Quilts
Jackhammers
Air Force One (the movie)
Sam Neill
Anyone with an O and an apostrophe to start their last name
Silly nicknames for genitals of both kinds
Big Things

Dislikes:
Jamborees
Chimes
Primates
Frisbees
Bearenstein Bears
Stained Glass
Philadelphia
Chris Pronger
Vegans
Henry Thoreau
Alchemy
Lazy Susans
Reeds/Cattails/Long Grass
Pulley Systems
Entomology
Flubber
Technology
Scandinavia
Broadsides
Options

The Sober Life

So the sober life is pretty much the worst thing in the world. It all began with a staph infection that was misdiagnosed twice by a couple of moron's at the UM hospital ER. They told me that I had the flu and a pulled groin. Unable to walk the next day without assistance and having a fever of 104 for the 3rd consecutive day, I went back to the hospital where they told me I had a hernia and the flu. They sent me home with a big bottle of pain killers and told me to wait for the surgery team to call me to set up my hernia surgery. In reality they told me to go home and die in my bed, because that is exactly what would have happened without divine (Ross Drath) intervention. Ross drove me to Grand Rapids so that I could see a doctor for my hernia surgery that day rather than waiting two weeks to see the doctor in Ann Arbor. It took the doctor about 45 seconds to inform me that I did not have a hernia and that I should go to the emergency room and get a cat scan. What the cat scan discovered were two massive abscesses filled with staph bacteria. Without medical intervention I had roughly 3 to 4 days to live. Thanks a lot UM. So After an 8 day hospital stay , a couple surgery type deals, and a miserable time I got released with an IV stuck in my arm pumping me full of antibiotics for the next 3 weeks. Fuck my life.

The only advantage of this new found sober state is that I am able to chronicle the hilarity of others. For example, last night I received a text message from my dearest bricky bear at 11:20pm stating, "And a jay z song was on!" I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed that I immediately recognized it as a line from the song Party in the U.S.A. by Miley Cyrus. He immediately followed that text message up by informing me that, "This aint a nashville party." Truer words have never been spoken. Brick and I also conversed at 4am when he informed me that he was in a house watching South Park, snorting adderall and was not positive whose house it was. It was a beautiful night.

Also in current news, I just received this gem of a text message from my sweet Gina after apparently taking my advice from last night and consuming an Extreme Danger Dane from Charlies. "I biologie i cant still jl I'm so drunk. You're aperone :-)" I do not have any idea what that means, but texts like this are what happens when you consume a large class full of nothing but four different kinds of Stoli.

Readers Choice: Your Favorite Alcoholic Beverage

Our inaugural poll has officially closed; the results are relatively unsurprising. Old Crow was the runaway favorite as your drink of choice at BOX, although Natty Ice and Camo Silver Ice had strong showings as well.

This week's poll: your favorite gameday tradition.

Enjoy your booze this weekend.