How To Get Kicked Out of a Frat

As this is my first blog post under the pseudonym Drew, I felt that it would only be fitting
to tell the story behind how I came to call the BOX house my home. While many of you may
think that it is impossible to get kicked out of a fraternity without committing murder
or getting caught in a drug bust, there are other alternatives. The problem however is that while committing any of the following actions might normally lead to your immediate termination from your job, team, or club, a fraternity prides itself on being a brotherhood. Because of this so called
brotherhood, fraternities find it difficult to kick a brother to the curb...If you believed any of that bullshit please stop reading, because obviously this post is not for you. In actuality, it is almost impossible to get kicked out of a fraternity because fraternities are all about money. Frats could care less about what kind of person you are as long as you continue to pay the monthly fee to remain a brother. Without a brother's dues, the fraternity could not survive and therefore it will rarely resort to terminating a brother. Thus, I can not guarantee that these steps will work in every case, so proceed with caution:

• Step 1. While the rest of the fraternity is off at formal or some other date party (that you were not allowed to go to), throw the fraternity a welcoming home party for them without their knowledge.
• Step 2. Ignore all of SRC's bogus rules such as: registering a party that has more than 25 girls in attendance, no kegs ever allowed in fraternities, and never serve liqueur out of handles at a party.
• Step 3. Have all attending guests get blackout and demonstrate to them that it is okay to throw beer on the walls and ceilings, dump the trash from the trashcans all throughout the house, draw on the fraternities most precious symbols, etc.
  
• Step 4. Stack all furniture in the center of the room upside-down.
  
• Step 5. Take a can of paint, preferably blue, and dump it all over the front lawn.
• Step 6. Light the pillows from the couches on fire.
• Step 7. Take all remaining furniture outside and place it on the front lawn.
• Step 8. Chuck the fire extinguisher against the wall, causing it to explode and set off the fire alarms. This action will be followed shortly by the arrival of the city's fire department, in which case your party is over.
• For best possible results, try to coincide Step 8 with the return of your frat brothers.

While I can not guarantee that these steps will result in the termination of your membership, I can guarantee that these actions will show your desire to leave the fraternity. Therefore if your fraternity offers you the ultimatum between expulsion or a permanent removal from all social activities, I suggest you take option 1.