After the controversy surrounding the most recent blogpost, and a flurry of comments that quite frankly made me question the sexuality of this blog (i.e. "PLC is gayer than a handbag of rainbows", and various Ages of Empires references that I can't even begin to fathom), I decided to bring this blog's focus back where it needs to be.
So I had to think of the manliest, most extreme, most awesome instance of blatant debauchery that I've been experienced with in terms of this house. It didn't take me long to settle upon the topic of the infamous Old Crow Challenge. . .
If you've been inside the BOX in the past year, you may have noticed that our kitchen is decorated with a gorgeous array of Old Crow half gallon bottles. This lovely collection began not long after this summer started. Ross and I failed to get real jobs over the summer, and spent an ungodly amount of time inebriated. After a rather lengthy stretch of consuming only the finest Old Crow Bourbon Whiskey, I began to place the empty bottles on the kitchen shelf. Then Ross and I made a pact - to complete the kitchen shelf before the summer's end.
We were well on pace to reaching our goal by the time July rolled on. Events such as the Fourth of July, Kentucky Derby, Red Wings Stanley Cup, and boredom on just about every day of the summer, kept us well ahead of schedule. However, our endeavors were interrupted by a series of events starting in early July. Several half-gallons were lost at other abodes, Ross and I both took vacations at the end of July, and we ran into a financial crisis (which at one point led to Al, Ross, and myself stuck at a tollbooth in the middle of Pennsylvania, unable to pay the measly sum of $12 American). This forced me to drink only the cheapest booze for a short while, and left us in a pickle. By the time early August rolled around, the shelf was still 8 handles and one fifth short of completion. But we would not abandon the pact.
Therefore, we dreamed up a glorious escapade worthy of the Greek gods - the Old Crow Challenge. Paul - the newly arrived and valuable asset - Ross, and I pledged to endure a gruelling one week stretch in which we would finish the 8 half gallons and one fifth in the five days prior to Welcome Week. It was courageous, brave, and downright dangerous. A task that would test three drunks til' the end. But the shelf had to be completed.
The nature of the event prevents me from remembering exact details from any of the days, but this is how it happened in my mind: (note: after consulting Paul, I have learned that this particularly day was August 17th)
11:30 a.m. Wake up with head pounding, perhaps in a curious room, spills all over your shirt, with little memory of what the hell happened last night. Proceed to make way to the kitchen where you notice broken glass, coke spilled everywhere, and a quarter of a half-gallon remaining. Fill up a cup of Old Crow, coke, and ice, drink. Repeat. The headache begins to dissipate.
Noon. Sip Old Crow while watching the dvr'd Red Wings Stanley Cup game for the 877th time this summer. Wait for your fallen comrades to make their way out of wherever they passed out at.
1:00. Drink as much water as possible so that you don't feel like you've been living in the Sahara Desert for the last two months. Perhaps scrounge for a meal in the barren pantries of the house - where you will likely find Ramen Noodles, spaghetti, and nothing else. Decide not to brush teeth again for third day in a row.
2:00 p.m. Tee time for the Old Crow Challenge Open - an event consisting of beer can golf in the front yard and surrounding areas of the house. Put on best golf attire, put on some tunes of choice on the speakers, crack open a fresh handle of Old Crow and fix yourself up a concoction for the links.
3:00 p.m. Ross is winning in the Open somehow. Everyone is shooting well. Passersby see you for the third day in a row day drinking and are now are absolutely sure that a group of mangy alcoholics live at 933.
4:00 p.m. Golf scores are now going up dramatically. Paul just shot a 9 on a par 3 and is stumbling. Uh-oh, Ross just stumbled down the stairs.
4:15 p.m. The back nine on day 3 is postponed due to one or all of the participants being unable to phsyically function. Perhaps pass out somewhere.
5:00-6:30 p.m. Prepare for the night's festivities to get real absurd. Once again, scrounge for a meal if you so choose, drink some water if that floats your boat, and try and make yourself look somewhat presentable if you are physically capable. Heavy, heavy drinking soon begins. Depending on the day, Al, Chris, or Andy may also join you in preparing to get mega-bad.
8:00 p.m. Half gallon gone. Cola gone. Ross is drinking straight bourbon now. Run to Campus Corner to greet our everyday friends working the liquor store, and purchase another half-gallon and cola.
8:30 p.m. Ross temporarily MIA. Find him passed out in the floor of the room. He is soon back on his feet and back at the Old Crow.
9-midnight. A blurry, blurry haze of events. Half gallon nearly gone. Blackness.
1:30 a.m?. Wake up on couch? Not sure if I was sleeping? Almost Famous is on for the second time.
3:00 a.m? Paul is missing. Ross: "Let' finish the second handle".
5:30 a.m. Somehow, some way, Ross and I are finishing the final sips of the handle on the porch, watching the real human beings fight traffic and make their way to work, and the sunlight beginning to rise. Sleep soon follows.
Repeat next day.
At the end of the week: success. And the kitchen shelf of Old Crow stands in all of its glory, for all to see until this present day. And one day this summer, the Old Crow Challenge II will stand in the way of all those drunk enough to to face its wrath.
Special thanks to: Al, B-Russ, Chris, Andy, and whoever else contributed to consuming the enormous amount of Old Crow this summer.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I cannot state how excited i am to participate in the Challenge this summer
We cannot forget the occasional excursion to play a bit of cornhole.
If you think that's a challenge, try playing 4 hards in AOE III.
beauifully composed bricky. my favorite part is still the picture you drew of the Old Crow Challenge crest on the score sheet.
Post a Comment