Introducing the Friendly Neighborhood Drunk

If you're a follower of this blog, you probably have noticed that it's not so much of a BOX blog as it is a Paul and Brick blog. Partly because of this, but mostly because he stands for everything the BOX is, I would like to introduce the newest contributor to your favorite drinking blog: "The Friendly Neighborhood Drunk" aka Chris. His drinking prowess has been detailed many times before, but I feel that his own personal account of what happened to him during the Eastern Michigan tailgate is an appropriate way of introducing him, not to mention completely hilarious.

In lieu of the recent attempts made by the city attorney of Ann Arbor to tame our tailgates, I suggest that you all attempt to get as silly this Saturday as the Friendly Neighborhood Drunk did this past tailgate (in his own words):

"Well folks, I really don't know if I should be proud or appalled by my actions that occurred Saturday for the Michigan-Eastern Michigan game. It all really started the night before. Originally I had planned to stay up all night with Brick drinking and Friday would collide into Saturday. While our plans crashed and burned, it was still a somewhat memorable tailgate. I came dangerously close to blacking out Friday and passed out at midnight. I awoke, still drunk, anticipating the day ahead at 2am and could not sleep. So of course I took a shower and was off to BOX. Seeing as no one was up when I arrived at 2.45, I decided I might as well start drinking and check out what was on the tube. I dusted off the trusty half gallon I had hidden there the night before and began to consume. I first watched the end of the epically terrible Alien Sex Files 3 on HBO. At the end of that I threw on Jurassic Park and continued to drink. It is a tradition at BOX to awaken the house at 5.30am with the song Du Hast. I could hardly wait. Too much excitement, too much anticipation...TOO MUCH ALCOHOL. My last memory of that day happened while dancing to Du Hast. When I came to, it was 8.15am on Sunday and I lost a complete day to drinking. I had absolutely zero recollections of the day. I am not sure if this is a high or low point in my life. It was fun to hear stories about what happened. Apparently I attempted to destroy a computer monitor, which NotoriousPLC hastily stopped. I failed at kicking two field goals. I destroyed the drunkest man in America trophy. I was dancing up and down State St. with said trophy using it as a paddle for my imaginary canoe. I ended up with 20 more dollars in my wallet but 60 dollars less in my bank account. Only a higher being truly knows what happened to me all day, but at least when I woke up, I had an empty fifth that I could not recognize by my bed. I think this is a testament of what drinking can do to your knowledge. I came to this college with a solid 3.93 gpa in High school and 3.5 at Kansas. My current gpa is 2.6. I didn't start this lifestyle until attending Michigan. But ya know what they always say; "get your degree and your gpa won't mean shit." Well, unless you plan on going to grad school. Oh well, I'm living the dream and I wish everyone could know the joy it brings me. Until next time readers, take it easy."