Brick's room

Through Al's dealings with the Michigan Lottery we found ourselves in possession of about 20,000 expired Club Keno cards. We finally decided to put them to good use by crumpling them up and filling Bricks room with them. We finished just before Brick returned from his month in Chicago.

Here is the progress.


We also sprinkled in 150 prostitute calling cards that I got last week in Vegas.

Brick came home yesterday and just stood in disbelief in front of his door for a while. I think poor Bricky doesn't have a clue of what to do with what appears to be about 20 cubic feet of keno cards.

Box and the Freshmen

We used to know these freshmen girls. They would come over and drink. They were pretty awesome. One time one of them got so drunk she passed out in the good bathroom. Then I tried to help her out, but I think she was a lost cause.

It's memories like those that I will miss about the Box House.

Good News for Tailgates; Bad News for Livers

Via mgoblog.com, I was alerted to the announcement of game time starts for the first two games of the upcoming Michigan football season:

Western Michigan @ Michigan: 3:30!
Notre Dame @ Michigan: 3:30!

Good god. Two box houses next door to eachother + first tailgate of the year + 3:30 p.m. start time... I smell a disaster a-brewing. Notre Dame certainly won't be any prettier. As has been mentioned in this blog, our 5:30 a.m. start time for tailgates usually is a recipe for blackout - for noon start times. Accordingly, 3:30 games tend to get extra silly.

As of today, only 72 summer days until the first game (Western). The first tailgate involving BOX and BOX Senior house will be here before we know it. I wish you all luck in waiting for that glorious day.

Additionally, I shall be returning to BOX probably Sunday or Monday, and I expect to blackout with anyone willing to journey into the darkness with me then. Soon thereafter, Al, after at least 5 run-ins with the law for underage drinking (I've lost count), will be turning the legal age of drinking next week. On top of this, the 4th of July awaits us next Saturday - and BOX's true love of America makes this day one of the greatest of the year for our extremely pro-American abode. Let the blackout's begin.

My Return

Thinking ahead to the month of July, I had set aside a portion of my Chicago internship earnings so that I would be able to drink comfortably upon my return to BOX. However, this layaway money underwent a significant depletion yesterday when me and my Texas friend decided to rip 15 shots and then go out to the bars in Wrigleyville -- where I blacked out and somehow managed to spend over half of said layaway money.

This leaves me in a predicament. While I am excited to be returning home to the castle of debauchery, I simply will not have sufficient means to fund my lifestyle of excess. And let me tell you, one cannot be reasonably expected to live in a house of filth and other drunks while remaining sober. BOX and sobriety are simply incompatible. Fast approaching events such as Al's 21st birthday, the Fourth of July, and the Old Crow Challenge only further make sobriety not an option.

What ever will I do, you ask? Well, I do have some plans. For one, I will purchase only the cheapest half gallons from Meijer or 40's of CSI from somewhere else cheap; I must avoid the overpriced campus liquor stores by all means. Secondly, I plan to collect cans and return them for 10 cents/beer money. Yes, I will be acting as if I were a resident Ann Arbor homeless man. I'm also considering buying alcohol in bulk online (i.e. a cask of Old Crow). And finally, I will rely on you, loyal reader. Yes, you. I'm taking the advice that was given to Paul on an earlier post and creating a PayPal account so you can donate money to fund my drinking addiction:

Why would you ever want to donate funds for a cause such as this? Well, if I was you, I certainly wouldn't, but it's pretty funny anyways. Just think, with a measly 3 dollar donation, you can fund a CSI purchase -- the equivalent to half of a nights drinking. With a measly 2 dollar donation, you've just bought me a pitcher at Mitch's on Wednesday nights. If you're a big spender, you could even chip in 13 dollars, enough for the cheapest half gallon around, and enough for me to sufficiently blackout 3 or 4 times. I've also created some incentives for you to donate. I promise anyone who donates that I will drink entirely in your honor on a particular night, and I will wear a silly outfit of your choice. Scout's honor. So get your credit card out, and begin donating now to support a good cause! I'm not sure if it will work, but I'll try and get B-Russ' help so I can figure it out.

I shall see you soon, BOX.

P.S.
Jello, I fully expect you to be my top contributor, because you're making far too much money for a being a drunk college student.

Complete Success

In a pathetic and excessively silly effort BOX threw a party for one the most grumpy yet beloved roommates yesterday night. ZOL-A-Palooza was an epic accomplishment. We not only made the 20 year-old a mess, but we avoided a noise violation, oriented at least a dozen incoming freshmen to the house, drunk beer on the porch with the owner of the corner liquor store, verbally accosted individuals, spent time with the outgoing seniors who soon will be joining the work force and of course wore outrageous outfits. On top of this, yours truly was blessed with a few visitors from back home as was the birthday boy. Needless to say, the main reason this party was a victory was the high attendance despite the fact that it is summer term. Now, downstairs it smells like Maple Syrup for some unexplainable reason. Success.

Email from the landlord...

"Please see the attached memo regarding the violation notice we received from the city. Your residence was cited for "unsanitary living conditions" in all common area rooms and the basement. Please remedy this situation immediately. A representative from the Arch Realty Maintenance Department will be following up on Wednesday, June 24 to ensure that your residence has been restored to a clean and sanitary living environment."According to the city we have a "G5" violation. I think that is a citation for excessive dudeness, but I could be wrong.

Bright Spots after a Tragedy

After last night's debacle on ice, I am forced to relay stories of hilarity and excellence that occurred yesterday evening. The members of BOX did the following:

-Defecated on the hood of a Camaro
-Stole a large wooden post from a neighboring property and placed it against a door
-Scaled a house and spent a good portion of the night on a second story porch of a locked house
-Built our new letters
-Crashed a party at a house where we aren't welcome
-Drunk with parents on their tab at a bar
-Spread Club Keno slips all up and down the block
-Destroyed several empty 40's into State Street
-Threw a 3 week old Burrito in State Street

This constitutes a typical response to a Red Wings defeat in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals.

I Can't Wait for Zola to Wake Up Tomorrow

I'm pretty sure that 6''x6''x10' post weighs over a hundred pounds. The same 100 pounds that will crush Zola whenever he decides that he has to pee during the night. Odds that it lands on his wiener?

Red Wings

My fellow interns have expressed concern for my well-being if this does not happen tonight:




GET IT DONE, WINGS. GOD I WISH I COULD BE AT BOX RIGHT NOW.

The Unemployed Life

I had several goals for what my summer would hold this year. I was in desperate need of a job to financially supplement my cravings for alcohol, drugs and other mind altering substances. I found it very difficult to find employment and was reduced to working as a telemarketer for the University of Michigan. Soon thereafter (3 days to be exact), I quit this job because it reduced me to a whore for my school. Actually I never quit, I simply stopped going. However, I found another job going door to door canvassing for a non-profit organization (previously mentioned in another one of my posts). I was then released from this position for apparent incompetence. Now, it is June; I'm not taking classes, I have no income, and I have found myself with enough time to drink and live an outrageous lifestyle daily often times immediately upon waking up. I sold my car so that I could have money to engage in this sort of ballyhoo. This means that throughout the course of the summer I am essentially drinking away my 1996 Blazer. I think I may try to go on Unemployment. I feel like a very productive member of society in my current state.

After Action Report

EVENT: LANNING
GAME: AGE OF EMPIRES III
RULES: CLASSIC (no way these two cowboys are getting trade monopolized)
MAP: Andes
DURATION: 2:55:27
TEAMS:
Chineese (Brian)
Japanese (Peter)
Indians (Comp) 7-11 not casino
VS.
English (Comp)
French (Comp)
Aztecs (Comp)
Germans (Comp)
Sioux (Comp)

Summary
The game started in with the two teams split across the trade route. Peter attempted to fast fortress which was brash considering the opponent. Akbar (Indians) initially stuck with his usual plan of generally doing jack shit. I didn't go colonial until 7:19, over two minutes later than Peter but used the late age-up to parlay that into going fortress at 10:11 seconds which was over 3 minutes sooner than Peter. Instead of trying to make Industrial age quickly I built up an army to defend the homeland. Being closest to the enemy I knew that I was the first line of attack.

At the 18:29 second mark the enemy struck. We successfully repelled the attack but were left much weakened. Not being able to counter attack because of the number of opponents, we were left unable to prevent them from building forts in the most strategic of locales. While we were still reeling from the first attack, Pete decided to go Industrial, wasting many of the resources he would need to defend the complex. That is when the fuckin' Souix decided to backdoor me. He brought some serious dudes in my rear. I tried to defend the best I could but Akbar had his thumb up his cornhole and Peter was worried about his own poopshoot. Eventually I was rescued by Peter but not without most of my economy being lost. I rebult my Rice Paddys behind the protection of Peter but with my weakened economy I couldn't be much help against our 5 foes. Soon thereafter Peter was overwhelmed and that silly bitch Akbar quit because he sucks. We were barely alive.

We moved around trying to restart our towns but couldn't escape the wrath of the opponoent. Eventually at the 1 hour 17 minute mark Peter found himself villagerless, and myself was only holding on to 2 vills. We hid our men, let the game run and decided to see would would be killed off first. We went outside for the first time since dining at Old Country Buffet in what seemed like decades ago. We attempted to fix Kiki's car but only to get bored and return to what we know - AOE III. We found ourselves still alive, with our 5 buildings to their 212. The unit count stood at 17 to 1014 in the enemy's favor. We decided that we might as well mount a comeback and started building. We had some wood reserves and managed to build two town centers each. We spent a few minutes strictly building villagers. I made 70 villagers which is approximently 38.888% (repeating of course) more than I normally make. From their we both quickly went Imperial Age. Then we started the army building. You know how they called Detriot the Arsenal of Democracy in WWII? Well, they would have called the lower right corner of the Andes map the Arsenal of Kicking Ass in this game. We made all our troops imperial and started pumping them out as fast as possible.

Our first target once the population limit had been reached was the enemy forts. At 2:07 I pushed foreward with my Hand Cannon, Flamethrowers, Chandango's and Arquebusiers all exhaulted of course. Pete followed up with some of his flaming arrows and the rest of his force. We managed to take down the forts within minutes but suffered heavy losses. Soon thereafter both sides were pumping troops to the middle of the map in what only could be called an AOE orgy of death and destruction. While we were outnumbered we found our troops to be the ultimate warriors. We slowly got pushed back to the walls of our city and fought with our backs against the edge of the map. Because we were so close to our town it was much easier for us to push back the enemy. This was the closest the enemy got to defeating us, as the rest of the game would be a bloodbath for the Asian team. I secured the perimeter of the map while Peter built up an attack force. Luckily at this point both of had extra wood. Actually we had more resources than we know what to do with. While I fought off the incoming attacks Peter positioned his Daimyo and Shogun (unit producing troops) outside of the enemy's complex. He then proceeded to make and use troops to defeat the Sioux.

This was when we realized that not only did we have a chance, we could reall win this thing. Then in a stroke of hungover genius Peter realized that he could get his elite Ronin Samurai and devastate the remanining dudes. By 2:37 we had evened the playing field to 327 military troops to enemy's 479, with Peter at 202 and I had a force of 125. We likfd those odds. Peter was causing so much damage that they were no longer attacking our base except for sporadic fire. I then marched my troops up to support Peters quest for domination. One by one our enemies fell to the sword of the yellow men. Finally at 2:55 the Germans called it quits and we realized we had won. We raised up from our positions and high fived over our amazing comeback win.

Pics or it didn't happen

STATUS: Overwhelming Success against seemingly insurmountable odds.

Fighting the System

In the past 4 weeks we have fought our landlord twice over eviction, hundreds of dollars of fees and of course the condition of the house. Recently with the help of Student Legal Service's Gayle the Hailstorm we have come out on top with our landlord dropping all fees so as to "foster good relations with the tenants in the future." In other words they didn't have a leg to stand on, but tomorrow is another pivotal day in beating the system. The annual city inspection will occur tomorrow and with literally dozens of broken and damaged things in the house along with the general state of cleanliness the house is currently in-there is clearly a possibility of being condemned or at least a sanitation violation. Doors are being replaced, holes patched, countertops washed, appliances cleaned, bathrooms cleaned and trim reinstalled-needless to say it has been a fairly productive effort thus far. I foresee another victory over the landlord and the city tomorrow if this trend continues.

On a separate note the system did beat me recently. I was fired from a non-profit organization-who knew Clean Water Action would have such harsh stipulations? Even though they did lose money by having me as an employee.