My Return

Thinking ahead to the month of July, I had set aside a portion of my Chicago internship earnings so that I would be able to drink comfortably upon my return to BOX. However, this layaway money underwent a significant depletion yesterday when me and my Texas friend decided to rip 15 shots and then go out to the bars in Wrigleyville -- where I blacked out and somehow managed to spend over half of said layaway money.

This leaves me in a predicament. While I am excited to be returning home to the castle of debauchery, I simply will not have sufficient means to fund my lifestyle of excess. And let me tell you, one cannot be reasonably expected to live in a house of filth and other drunks while remaining sober. BOX and sobriety are simply incompatible. Fast approaching events such as Al's 21st birthday, the Fourth of July, and the Old Crow Challenge only further make sobriety not an option.

What ever will I do, you ask? Well, I do have some plans. For one, I will purchase only the cheapest half gallons from Meijer or 40's of CSI from somewhere else cheap; I must avoid the overpriced campus liquor stores by all means. Secondly, I plan to collect cans and return them for 10 cents/beer money. Yes, I will be acting as if I were a resident Ann Arbor homeless man. I'm also considering buying alcohol in bulk online (i.e. a cask of Old Crow). And finally, I will rely on you, loyal reader. Yes, you. I'm taking the advice that was given to Paul on an earlier post and creating a PayPal account so you can donate money to fund my drinking addiction:

Why would you ever want to donate funds for a cause such as this? Well, if I was you, I certainly wouldn't, but it's pretty funny anyways. Just think, with a measly 3 dollar donation, you can fund a CSI purchase -- the equivalent to half of a nights drinking. With a measly 2 dollar donation, you've just bought me a pitcher at Mitch's on Wednesday nights. If you're a big spender, you could even chip in 13 dollars, enough for the cheapest half gallon around, and enough for me to sufficiently blackout 3 or 4 times. I've also created some incentives for you to donate. I promise anyone who donates that I will drink entirely in your honor on a particular night, and I will wear a silly outfit of your choice. Scout's honor. So get your credit card out, and begin donating now to support a good cause! I'm not sure if it will work, but I'll try and get B-Russ' help so I can figure it out.

I shall see you soon, BOX.

P.S.
Jello, I fully expect you to be my top contributor, because you're making far too much money for a being a drunk college student.