This evening I received a bright spot in my fairly humdrum day. This afternoon, after having been in Delaware visiting family for the past 5 days, I completed a few errands and chores at my house in the thriving metropolis that is Grand Rapids. I proceeded to do nothing for the remainder of the day other than go to a movie with some friends at around 10pm. As I sat around in my living room preparing to start packing for my 4 day drinking binge that was about to take place in Mt. Pleasant starting the following day, my phone began to vibrate and it indicated to me that Zola was calling.
I answered the phone to hear Zola's familiar child-like voice. He informed that he was drunk at some regretful place in the shit stain that is the Ohio State University. He then told me that his sister, a girl whom I have never met, was with him. At this juncture it is important to understand the odd relationship that Zola, Matt and myself have construed about our roommate Michael Zola's sister, Katie Zola. In typical fashion, throughout freshman year, as Matt and I became better friends with Zola, much harassment was focused on him in regard to his "little sister." However, only minutes ago I was able to talk to her for the first time.
I came to the revelation that she was not only a follower of the blog, which is in and of itself shocking, but that she had a strong desire to be mentioned in it. She "checks the blog almost every day." Seeing as how I was doing nothing besides watching Elf on the USA Network, I chose to dedicate an entire blogpost to her. It has become clear to me that she attends Wittenberg College, the whereabouts of which I am unsure; I assume it is somewhere within the armpit that is the state of Ohio. She assured me that she fully intends to visit her brother and ipso facto me. Well Katie Zola, BOX House anxiously awaits meeting you and any friends of yours (female in nature) that you may wish to bring along.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
A Box Money Saving Tip!
Do you ever wonder how we manage to pay for all the tickets we get? The answer is we don't! So to save money we carefully don't pay utilities and time when they finally shut them off. We managed to time when they shut off our cable and internet until right after the semester ends so they don't charge us over break. Now all we have to do is pay just enough of the $450 we owe them so they will turn it back on until spring break.
Ode to the Poor Life Decision
If I were any good at making graph charts, I would make a graph indicating the number of good life decisions I make in correspondance to years passed in college. Imagine a steady downward slope, until practically there are no good life decisions visible on the graph. Most college students are quite familiar with the poor life decision. BOX, however, has crafted the poor life decision into an art form.
A brief history of poor life decisions, as associated with BOX frat-stars:
Poor life decision, example 1: The Pre-Important School Work Poor Decision.
Exhibit a: Paul. After waking up Sunday morning with a pounding headache after an epic Michigan State tailgate and booze-fest lasting well into the night, you realize that you have neglected a large quantity of Espanol homework that happens do be due tomorrow, as well as an exam. Oh, and shit, you also have to go to work. Do you. . .
a) Chug some water, try and sober up, take a quick shower, and head to the library asap for the whole day?
b) Disregard social norms, disregard all work-related responsibilities, and take advantage of the miraculous circumstances that have left you with a few beers that survived the weekend, pound said beers and pass out shortly thereafter?
Exhibit b: Myself. It's Wednesday morning of finals week and you're hungover from last night's christmas party blackout. The busiest time of year. One take-home exam due on Thurs, a paper due on Friday. Do you. . .
a) Focus. Try and make yourself look respectable, brush your teeth for the first time in days, head to the Fish Bowl, and slam out that take-home exam?
b) Realize you're faced with a beeracle, seeing that there is half of a leftover keg left from last night's party, slam some beers while watching Gettysburg, and then test the myth that you write better when you're drunk later in the evening?
Poor Life decision, example 2: Expecting the Parents Crisis.
Exhibit a: Andy (AJ). OMG, your beloved Tigers have finally made the World Series in 2006. Better yet, you have tickets to the Sunday night game! It's saturday night and you're in the middle of a beer pong streak. Do you. . .
a) Say to yourself, "alright pal, you're firing on all cylinders in pong, but it's only al and zac you're beating the crap out of. You should slow down and call it an early night, you're parents are coming early tomorrow. Go tigers!"?
b) Play 15 more games of beer pong, then slam some vodka shots before passing out with little coherence. Proceed to wake up, thank god you woke up in time! Go home with your parents, oh shit, mom and dad can smell each and every type of alcohol you consumed last night. Then you spend the rest of the day disturbing your parentals by ceaselessly vomiting in your bathroom, which causes your dad to give your world series ticket to your sister?
exhibit b: "Creeper" Steve, next door neighbor and aspiring BOX legend. It's the last home tailgate of the year (Northwestern), and the last tailgate of your college career. However, your loving mother is coming to visit during the tailgate. Do you. . .
a) Take it easy for a couple hours, maybe drink 7 or 8 beers, and present yourself in a fashion that would make your mother not disgusted?
b) Realize that you this is the last tailgate of your life, the last time you can blackout respectably in the early hours of the morning. Chug all alcohol in sight like the true beast that you are, make sure that you cannot walk straight, and show mom the drinking champion that you are. In other words, live the dream?
Poor Life decision, example 3: Summer Jobs.
exhibit a and b: Ross and myself. It's now been two weeks since finals have been over, and you've spent the last 14 days in a drunken stupor. It's time to start thinking about that summer job. You're financial situation isn't exactly great. Do you. . .
a) Start applying wherever you can, sack up, and work for the Man all summer to make some good dough?
b) Slam a couple cocktails, start thinking, "hey, spending all summer getting drunk every night wouldn't be such a bad idea after all". Proceed to spend the next two months in an alcohol-induced haze straight until which point it is really not feasible to try and get a job anymore. Spend pretty much all of your funds at Campus Corner, to the point where you cannot pay a lowly tollbooth fee in Pennsylvania on the way back from Brett's Jersey Shore house?
Note: The decision made by these aformentioned frat-stars, which also happens to be the correct answer to each and every one of these alcohol crisis' is 'b'. If you chose 'a' for any of the above options, please feel free to make yourself a bleach cocktail immediately.
Let's be honest, poor decisions may not be what's best in the short-run, but at least they always result in a funny ending. Poor decision on, fellow associates.
A brief history of poor life decisions, as associated with BOX frat-stars:
Poor life decision, example 1: The Pre-Important School Work Poor Decision.
Exhibit a: Paul. After waking up Sunday morning with a pounding headache after an epic Michigan State tailgate and booze-fest lasting well into the night, you realize that you have neglected a large quantity of Espanol homework that happens do be due tomorrow, as well as an exam. Oh, and shit, you also have to go to work. Do you. . .
a) Chug some water, try and sober up, take a quick shower, and head to the library asap for the whole day?
b) Disregard social norms, disregard all work-related responsibilities, and take advantage of the miraculous circumstances that have left you with a few beers that survived the weekend, pound said beers and pass out shortly thereafter?
Exhibit b: Myself. It's Wednesday morning of finals week and you're hungover from last night's christmas party blackout. The busiest time of year. One take-home exam due on Thurs, a paper due on Friday. Do you. . .
a) Focus. Try and make yourself look respectable, brush your teeth for the first time in days, head to the Fish Bowl, and slam out that take-home exam?
b) Realize you're faced with a beeracle, seeing that there is half of a leftover keg left from last night's party, slam some beers while watching Gettysburg, and then test the myth that you write better when you're drunk later in the evening?
Poor Life decision, example 2: Expecting the Parents Crisis.
Exhibit a: Andy (AJ). OMG, your beloved Tigers have finally made the World Series in 2006. Better yet, you have tickets to the Sunday night game! It's saturday night and you're in the middle of a beer pong streak. Do you. . .
a) Say to yourself, "alright pal, you're firing on all cylinders in pong, but it's only al and zac you're beating the crap out of. You should slow down and call it an early night, you're parents are coming early tomorrow. Go tigers!"?
b) Play 15 more games of beer pong, then slam some vodka shots before passing out with little coherence. Proceed to wake up, thank god you woke up in time! Go home with your parents, oh shit, mom and dad can smell each and every type of alcohol you consumed last night. Then you spend the rest of the day disturbing your parentals by ceaselessly vomiting in your bathroom, which causes your dad to give your world series ticket to your sister?
exhibit b: "Creeper" Steve, next door neighbor and aspiring BOX legend. It's the last home tailgate of the year (Northwestern), and the last tailgate of your college career. However, your loving mother is coming to visit during the tailgate. Do you. . .
a) Take it easy for a couple hours, maybe drink 7 or 8 beers, and present yourself in a fashion that would make your mother not disgusted?
b) Realize that you this is the last tailgate of your life, the last time you can blackout respectably in the early hours of the morning. Chug all alcohol in sight like the true beast that you are, make sure that you cannot walk straight, and show mom the drinking champion that you are. In other words, live the dream?
Poor Life decision, example 3: Summer Jobs.
exhibit a and b: Ross and myself. It's now been two weeks since finals have been over, and you've spent the last 14 days in a drunken stupor. It's time to start thinking about that summer job. You're financial situation isn't exactly great. Do you. . .
a) Start applying wherever you can, sack up, and work for the Man all summer to make some good dough?
b) Slam a couple cocktails, start thinking, "hey, spending all summer getting drunk every night wouldn't be such a bad idea after all". Proceed to spend the next two months in an alcohol-induced haze straight until which point it is really not feasible to try and get a job anymore. Spend pretty much all of your funds at Campus Corner, to the point where you cannot pay a lowly tollbooth fee in Pennsylvania on the way back from Brett's Jersey Shore house?
Note: The decision made by these aformentioned frat-stars, which also happens to be the correct answer to each and every one of these alcohol crisis' is 'b'. If you chose 'a' for any of the above options, please feel free to make yourself a bleach cocktail immediately.
Let's be honest, poor decisions may not be what's best in the short-run, but at least they always result in a funny ending. Poor decision on, fellow associates.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
1st Semester Drunk Awards
With the first semester now over and awards season soon to begin i thought it only fitting that BOX should have its own awards to recognize the drunkards within the house.
1st- Brick - was there ever really any question as to who would win this award. Brick is the rare talent in every sport that blows out the competition and redefines what the sport is all about. Just like Michael Jordon did for Basketball, Wayne Gretzky did for Hockey, Brick has redefined what if means to be a drunk.
Notable Drunks-
Notable Drunks-
Well thats the awards list, now that we have these awards i hope it helps to motivates everyone in the house to try harder and commit further to the wonderful world of binge drinking.
1st- Brick - was there ever really any question as to who would win this award. Brick is the rare talent in every sport that blows out the competition and redefines what the sport is all about. Just like Michael Jordon did for Basketball, Wayne Gretzky did for Hockey, Brick has redefined what if means to be a drunk.
Notable Drunks-
- Throwing up in the Big House during the Wisconsin game
- Cutting down branches from a tree in Bum Park and bringing it back into the house calling it a Christmas Tree
- Getting kicked out of a Poetry Slam
- Trying to stab me with a fork
- Too many to name, the man legitimately does something worth mentioning 4 nights a week
Notable Drunks-
- Day Drinking by himself the Sunday after the state game regardless of the fact that he had 35 pages of Spanish workbook due and a test the next day.
- Attempting to finish an entire handle by himself in one night, failing, and falling down the second stories stairs at around 6 in the morning.
- Waking me up at 3 in the morning, uncontrollably saying "Oh Yea" like a porn star and then carrying an entire door up half a flight of stairs before it fell back down on him
- Openly drinking a pint inside Bell's Pizza
- Appearing on TV as the most distraught bear I've ever seen
Well thats the awards list, now that we have these awards i hope it helps to motivates everyone in the house to try harder and commit further to the wonderful world of binge drinking.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Big News from the Roommates
While I have seen only one of my roommates since I left BOX for the break, I have still received exciting news from a couple of them. As I sauntered through a mall in Lansing on a Saturday evening, wishing I was elsewhere, I received a phone call from Al Girard. Later, on Monday, I was fortunate enough to be the recipient of a text message from Zola. First let me outline the specifics of Al's groundbreaking discoveries.
Al called to inform me of a few issues, but the primary reason involved his purchase of a particular item. He has a Playstation 2 in his room, and he bought an African Safari hunting game for it. To any outsider this may seem of trivial consequence, but I can assure you that when you get a text from Al Girard at midnight that says: "I just shot a Giraffe in the Dome," there is nothing more exciting than the prospect of playing this game. Over the past few days I have also been the beneficiary of texts like: "Lion Country", "I'm hunting baboons", and of course the infamous "Looks like I'm hunting Cape Buffalo...O I just died." I know that, personally, I can hardly wait until I have the opportunity to shoot endangered Rhinoceros on a PS2 Safari game.
There are times when after months and sometimes years that your dreams come true. It appears as though that may be the case for me and one of my other roommates. After uncovering the details of nutmeg's hallucinogenic powers on the Internet, Zola and I decided that we would pursue this legal drug for ourselves. However, we never got around to purchasing the actual whole nutmeg and our dreams laid dormant for roughly a calendar year. Yesterday, Zola sent me a text message to inform my unsuspecting soul of his recent buy. It appears as though, in the near future our dreams of nutmeg will finally be a reality.
Al called to inform me of a few issues, but the primary reason involved his purchase of a particular item. He has a Playstation 2 in his room, and he bought an African Safari hunting game for it. To any outsider this may seem of trivial consequence, but I can assure you that when you get a text from Al Girard at midnight that says: "I just shot a Giraffe in the Dome," there is nothing more exciting than the prospect of playing this game. Over the past few days I have also been the beneficiary of texts like: "Lion Country", "I'm hunting baboons", and of course the infamous "Looks like I'm hunting Cape Buffalo...O I just died." I know that, personally, I can hardly wait until I have the opportunity to shoot endangered Rhinoceros on a PS2 Safari game.
There are times when after months and sometimes years that your dreams come true. It appears as though that may be the case for me and one of my other roommates. After uncovering the details of nutmeg's hallucinogenic powers on the Internet, Zola and I decided that we would pursue this legal drug for ourselves. However, we never got around to purchasing the actual whole nutmeg and our dreams laid dormant for roughly a calendar year. Yesterday, Zola sent me a text message to inform my unsuspecting soul of his recent buy. It appears as though, in the near future our dreams of nutmeg will finally be a reality.
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