Wednesday, September 30, 2009
The Drunken Mile
Some time at the end of last year while hanging out on the porch of BOX I was approached by a couple of gentleman from the track team who invited me to participate in something they called the drunken mile. I told the men that I would love to attend, however this event did not begin until midnight. In retrospect that may have been my downfall. Instead of resting up and preparing for whatever awaited me, (the only thing I knew was to show up at the track with a 6-pack at midnight) I went out with everyone and was quite hammered by the time 11:45 rolled around. I recruited Craig to join in with me, and Craig, Stephanie, and myself headed off to the track with a 12 pack and belly's full of liquor. When we arrived there were at least 20 participants decked out in full running attire. I was wearing jeans, a polo, and flip flops. The rules of the competition were simple.... Chug a beer, run a lap, chug a beer, run a lap, chug a beer, run a lap, chug a beer, run a lap. On an empty stomach this would be pretty easy, but after drinking for 4 hours, things got difficult. Stephanie may have consumed half to three quarters of a beer and run a lap or two before graciously bowing out. At least there was some effort put in. Craig projectile vomited after 3/4 of his first lap and also declared himself a loser, however Craig and myself were by far the drunkest people in attendance. As for my race, I started quite strong. In retrospect I may have been cheating considering that I was shotgunning my beers but that is neither here nor there. Going into the fourth and final lap I had a very slight lead in the competition, even though I can guarantee I was the slowest runner in attendance, the shotgunning was key. About 100 yards into my final lap disaster struck. I found a sewer drain, got on all fours and proceeded to spend at least three minutes vomiting my guts out. I tried to get up midway through and continue the race, but was forced about 6 feet later to stop and continue vomiting. After I stopped voming, I noticed that of all the participants still running, I was in last place. I of course decided to try and cheat by cutting across the long jump pit and the grass in the middle of the track. A brilliant plan except it was dark and that wasn't sand, it was the steeplechase pit and I fell into a two foot deep puddle of water. As i crossed the finish line, soaking wet and in dead last I was proud of the showing BOX had presented there. We can only hope the smell of Craig's and my vomit still lingers whenever Andy's sister runs past that stretch of track.
Back In The Game
So as you may know I spent quite some time being a bit of a "queer-o-sexual" and have not been blogging. With the current illness that has ravaged my body and taken away my ability to partake in God's sweetest gift to man (alcoholic beverages) for four weeks, I have nothing better than to resume my blogging. Over the next few weeks I will try to recall all of my blog-worthy drunken humiliations over the past year. I apologize to BOX Nation for being so worthless for so long.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
U of M Chron-dog Students
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/event.php?eid=140092717332&index=1
This link will take you to a facebook event urging students to protest Kristen Larcom' horseshit. I'm not even in support of a "Protest" that will supposedly better the State Street Tailgate situation. I'd rather we just continue on tailgating rowdily as if nothing ever happened. I do admire the intentions, though.
A couple of students however, feel that Kristen Larcom is in the right, and they have voiced their opinions on the wall of said event...So, if you have time, please visit this facebook group and proceed to harass the shit out of "Steve Briscoe" and "Daniel Montgomery". Anyone that's willing to support the decline of State Street tailgates deserves to feel like a two year old whining for his mom. I've already got the ball rolling by specifically calling these fags out, but I hope that you all can use your creativity to make sure these kids regret that they ever came to Michigan (a football school first, an academic institution second).
This angry message was brought to you by zero hours of sleep, excessive adderall consumption, the Danimal, and rum & cider.
Beat State.
This link will take you to a facebook event urging students to protest Kristen Larcom' horseshit. I'm not even in support of a "Protest" that will supposedly better the State Street Tailgate situation. I'd rather we just continue on tailgating rowdily as if nothing ever happened. I do admire the intentions, though.
A couple of students however, feel that Kristen Larcom is in the right, and they have voiced their opinions on the wall of said event...So, if you have time, please visit this facebook group and proceed to harass the shit out of "Steve Briscoe" and "Daniel Montgomery". Anyone that's willing to support the decline of State Street tailgates deserves to feel like a two year old whining for his mom. I've already got the ball rolling by specifically calling these fags out, but I hope that you all can use your creativity to make sure these kids regret that they ever came to Michigan (a football school first, an academic institution second).
This angry message was brought to you by zero hours of sleep, excessive adderall consumption, the Danimal, and rum & cider.
Beat State.
Diamonds in the Rough
Well into the month of July, it appeared as if it would be a mere six members of BOX holding down the fort -- the lowest number probably ever inhabiting the institution. However, thanks to the dutiful work of the Notiorius PLC, BOX acquired its two newest members via Craigslist advertising. Craigslist? Yes, the BOX veterans were extremely skeptical, your author being no exception. I imagined that our next two roommates would be disgusted with the alcoholism that runs rampant throughout BOX, I imagined they would be disgusted with the state of the house post-tailgate, and I imagined we would reluctantly have to consider them BOX members.
I stand 110% corrected in my expectations. The two men that eventually showed up and boldly desired to live at the shithole could not have been farther from my expectations. In all seriousness, if we would have recruited hardcore, looking for someone who truly fit in at BOX, there is no way we would have found two better BOX members:
Exhibit a: Drew. First tailgate, he blacked out, passed out in his bed, and had his laptop stolen while he was unconcscious. That's BOX as fuck (that actually sucks, but I'm referencing Pete here). When Al went down to staff infection (which orginally was a hernia, and before that was the swine flu), Drew took over all Fri-Gay responsibilities. I consider myself pretty BOX, but I can't even bring myself to participate in Fri-Gay; it takes a hardcore BOX man to get drunk and pound stakes in the ground in nothing but your boxers while others spray the hose on you. If you can Fri-Gay, you're BOX, no questions asked. There are certain other radically awesome things about Drew that I'll refrain from writing, but if you've met the guy, you know he's awesome, and 100% BOX material.
Exhibit b: The Danimal. Dan is a drunk, and we are all drunks. We quickly learned he was a drunk when he walked into BOX one day and matched the tolerance levels required during the Old Crow Challenge with ease the next day. How he didn't find BOX before is a question for the gods. But there is no doubt that Dan is the epitome of BOX.
The main idea of my post revolves around the fact that Dan and I are currently sitting in the basement of the Michigan Union, circa 3:06 a.m. in the morning on this random Monday evening, snorting adderall out of a winter cap, Dan is drinking a beer out of a coozie, and we are both sharing a water bottle filled with Rum and cider.
What I'm getting at is... It was no coincedence that Dan (and Drew) found the BOX house on Craigslist. No sir-ee. I fully believe that fate plays a strong role in how one ends up in BOX (After all, getting kicked out of my fraternity was one of the best things to happen to me... seeing as how I ended up in BOX. Who would of thought a semester in the BOX basement was the beginning of the best phase of my life?). Just as it was for Andy and I, fate was at work when it brought Dan and Drew - the two diamonds in the rough - to the hallowed grounds of 933 State. When I try to imagine how the '09 football season would have started without the duo, I literally draw a blank. They have contributed so much already, and fit into the BOX mold right down to the minute details. I'm proud to call them my BOX brothers, as I am everyone who has ever lived here. The year can only get better.
I emphasize my closing statement in today's earlier post: BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF SPARTY. GO BLUE.
I stand 110% corrected in my expectations. The two men that eventually showed up and boldly desired to live at the shithole could not have been farther from my expectations. In all seriousness, if we would have recruited hardcore, looking for someone who truly fit in at BOX, there is no way we would have found two better BOX members:
Exhibit a: Drew. First tailgate, he blacked out, passed out in his bed, and had his laptop stolen while he was unconcscious. That's BOX as fuck (that actually sucks, but I'm referencing Pete here). When Al went down to staff infection (which orginally was a hernia, and before that was the swine flu), Drew took over all Fri-Gay responsibilities. I consider myself pretty BOX, but I can't even bring myself to participate in Fri-Gay; it takes a hardcore BOX man to get drunk and pound stakes in the ground in nothing but your boxers while others spray the hose on you. If you can Fri-Gay, you're BOX, no questions asked. There are certain other radically awesome things about Drew that I'll refrain from writing, but if you've met the guy, you know he's awesome, and 100% BOX material.
Exhibit b: The Danimal. Dan is a drunk, and we are all drunks. We quickly learned he was a drunk when he walked into BOX one day and matched the tolerance levels required during the Old Crow Challenge with ease the next day. How he didn't find BOX before is a question for the gods. But there is no doubt that Dan is the epitome of BOX.
The main idea of my post revolves around the fact that Dan and I are currently sitting in the basement of the Michigan Union, circa 3:06 a.m. in the morning on this random Monday evening, snorting adderall out of a winter cap, Dan is drinking a beer out of a coozie, and we are both sharing a water bottle filled with Rum and cider.
What I'm getting at is... It was no coincedence that Dan (and Drew) found the BOX house on Craigslist. No sir-ee. I fully believe that fate plays a strong role in how one ends up in BOX (After all, getting kicked out of my fraternity was one of the best things to happen to me... seeing as how I ended up in BOX. Who would of thought a semester in the BOX basement was the beginning of the best phase of my life?). Just as it was for Andy and I, fate was at work when it brought Dan and Drew - the two diamonds in the rough - to the hallowed grounds of 933 State. When I try to imagine how the '09 football season would have started without the duo, I literally draw a blank. They have contributed so much already, and fit into the BOX mold right down to the minute details. I'm proud to call them my BOX brothers, as I am everyone who has ever lived here. The year can only get better.
I emphasize my closing statement in today's earlier post: BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF SPARTY. GO BLUE.
Monday, September 28, 2009
More Media Coverage
We've made yet another appearance in the Michigan Daily today:
http://michigandaily.com/content/sportsmonday-column-football-saturdays-just-not-same-without-box-house
The media attention we've received lately is unprecedented. Unfortunately, this article isn't exactly a feel-good story.
I wasn't at this Saturday's tailgate. As Ross so aptly put it, he and I both were "giving ourselves one last chance at a career". But the reviews I got from my fellow housemates were dismal. And this article seems to top off that sentiment. I think it's partially understandable, given the circumstances (most of the frats on State St. moved their tailgates completely), that this last tailgate was less than stellar.
What's not understandable is the lack of whole-hearted participation by a lot of regulars at the tailgates. I can maybe understand if not everyone wants to wake up at 5:30 a.m. to celebrate one of the eight greatest days of the year. But I don't quite understand why there was only about 7 people at the house when I left for my test at 8 a.m. What I'm trying to say is, if you're a reader of this blog, you and I both need to do everything in our power to make sure that there are about 25 people here at 5:30 a.m. for the next tailgate. Let's make it an absolutely ridiculous tailgate. It is, after all Delaware State next up - so get blackout at 7 a.m, make a fool of yourself, don't make it to the game. We need to prove this article wrong. BOX tailgates certainly are not dead. I think this is evident from the post-game tailgate we had following the Indiana win. There were tons of people getting extremely rowdy. We just need to concentrate these same efforts at 5:30 in the morning next tailgate.
"Marching Band, Go Blue Banner, Winged Helmets, BOX House — taking in the wildness surrounding the 900 block of State St. is a vital part of the Michigan game-day experience." - taken from the Daily article. We have some big expectations to live up to. I fully expect to live up to our tradition next tailgate.
Unfortunately, we have two away games to wait through before we can tailgate here once again.
Beat State.
<3 Brick
http://michigandaily.com/content/sportsmonday-column-football-saturdays-just-not-same-without-box-house
The media attention we've received lately is unprecedented. Unfortunately, this article isn't exactly a feel-good story.
I wasn't at this Saturday's tailgate. As Ross so aptly put it, he and I both were "giving ourselves one last chance at a career". But the reviews I got from my fellow housemates were dismal. And this article seems to top off that sentiment. I think it's partially understandable, given the circumstances (most of the frats on State St. moved their tailgates completely), that this last tailgate was less than stellar.
What's not understandable is the lack of whole-hearted participation by a lot of regulars at the tailgates. I can maybe understand if not everyone wants to wake up at 5:30 a.m. to celebrate one of the eight greatest days of the year. But I don't quite understand why there was only about 7 people at the house when I left for my test at 8 a.m. What I'm trying to say is, if you're a reader of this blog, you and I both need to do everything in our power to make sure that there are about 25 people here at 5:30 a.m. for the next tailgate. Let's make it an absolutely ridiculous tailgate. It is, after all Delaware State next up - so get blackout at 7 a.m, make a fool of yourself, don't make it to the game. We need to prove this article wrong. BOX tailgates certainly are not dead. I think this is evident from the post-game tailgate we had following the Indiana win. There were tons of people getting extremely rowdy. We just need to concentrate these same efforts at 5:30 in the morning next tailgate.
"Marching Band, Go Blue Banner, Winged Helmets, BOX House — taking in the wildness surrounding the 900 block of State St. is a vital part of the Michigan game-day experience." - taken from the Daily article. We have some big expectations to live up to. I fully expect to live up to our tradition next tailgate.
Unfortunately, we have two away games to wait through before we can tailgate here once again.
Beat State.
<3 Brick
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Introducing the Friendly Neighborhood Drunk
If you're a follower of this blog, you probably have noticed that it's not so much of a BOX blog as it is a Paul and Brick blog. Partly because of this, but mostly because he stands for everything the BOX is, I would like to introduce the newest contributor to your favorite drinking blog: "The Friendly Neighborhood Drunk" aka Chris. His drinking prowess has been detailed many times before, but I feel that his own personal account of what happened to him during the Eastern Michigan tailgate is an appropriate way of introducing him, not to mention completely hilarious.
In lieu of the recent attempts made by the city attorney of Ann Arbor to tame our tailgates, I suggest that you all attempt to get as silly this Saturday as the Friendly Neighborhood Drunk did this past tailgate (in his own words):
In lieu of the recent attempts made by the city attorney of Ann Arbor to tame our tailgates, I suggest that you all attempt to get as silly this Saturday as the Friendly Neighborhood Drunk did this past tailgate (in his own words):
"Well folks, I really don't know if I should be proud or appalled by my actions that occurred Saturday for the Michigan-Eastern Michigan game. It all really started the night before. Originally I had planned to stay up all night with Brick drinking and Friday would collide into Saturday. While our plans crashed and burned, it was still a somewhat memorable tailgate. I came dangerously close to blacking out Friday and passed out at midnight. I awoke, still drunk, anticipating the day ahead at 2am and could not sleep. So of course I took a shower and was off to BOX. Seeing as no one was up when I arrived at 2.45, I decided I might as well start drinking and check out what was on the tube. I dusted off the trusty half gallon I had hidden there the night before and began to consume. I first watched the end of the epically terrible Alien Sex Files 3 on HBO. At the end of that I threw on Jurassic Park and continued to drink. It is a tradition at BOX to awaken the house at 5.30am with the song Du Hast. I could hardly wait. Too much excitement, too much anticipation...TOO MUCH ALCOHOL. My last memory of that day happened while dancing to Du Hast. When I came to, it was 8.15am on Sunday and I lost a complete day to drinking. I had absolutely zero recollections of the day. I am not sure if this is a high or low point in my life. It was fun to hear stories about what happened. Apparently I attempted to destroy a computer monitor, which NotoriousPLC hastily stopped. I failed at kicking two field goals. I destroyed the drunkest man in America trophy. I was dancing up and down State St. with said trophy using it as a paddle for my imaginary canoe. I ended up with 20 more dollars in my wallet but 60 dollars less in my bank account. Only a higher being truly knows what happened to me all day, but at least when I woke up, I had an empty fifth that I could not recognize by my bed. I think this is a testament of what drinking can do to your knowledge. I came to this college with a solid 3.93 gpa in High school and 3.5 at Kansas. My current gpa is 2.6. I didn't start this lifestyle until attending Michigan. But ya know what they always say; "get your degree and your gpa won't mean shit." Well, unless you plan on going to grad school. Oh well, I'm living the dream and I wish everyone could know the joy it brings me. Until next time readers, take it easy."
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