The beginning of Poop War 2010 has been launched. I have been relocated away from BOX for the summer, working in my hometown of Gun Ru (Grand Rapids), but was informed of a recent theft at the home. On Friday night, one of the roommate's bikes and more importantly the "GO BOX-GO WOLVERINES-GO TO CAMPUS CORNER" sign were stolen. This occurred largely due to the Open Door Policy instituted and still supported under the Russell Administration beginning in 2007. The Open Door Policy, as its name suggests, states that the front door should be unlocked at all (at least 99%) of the time and only should be locked over extended breaks. It is advantageous because I am fairly certain no one owns a key to the front door, but also because it is the embodiment of our attitude being welcoming to just about any human. This has its drawbacks in the form of theft and the constant annoyance of street urchins. However, after the recent cowardly acts of last Friday a Poop War has been declared.
Due to important intel from Jello, BOX has become aware of enemies that live right down the street on Hoover. These individuals have made a public declaration of wanting to steal the House letters and may be responsible for last year's stolen letters. While we don't know if it was these same individuals who stole the sign and bike, it makes little difference. A poop now, ask questions later approach has been taken. Since the suspects' home has been identified, the Wetness has called me to inform me of a Hiroshima-style Poop Attack on their grill. I expect a complete breakdown of the horrifying attack. Millions of lives will surely be lost, but since the men of BOX have notoriously vicious and unrelenting poops, it seems fitting that this form of attack ought to be the desired weapon.
Let it Begin...
