An Apparent Pissing

EDIT:
But does it beat Brett pissing himself nearly 18 months ago?



-Brian

Hello Everyone

Well, since I'm goddamn near blackout I figured that this would be the finest situation to make my first goddamn post. I've been allowed to post on here for weeks and as of yet I have not so I feel somewhat guilty because of this. Well folks, I'm hammered; and after this post I'm heading to BOX to get even drunker so I'll keep things short and precise. I hope anyone who has ever gone to college has had the chance to experience the things that I have at this wonderful place called BOX. Whether it's Al and James P wearing loinclothes scaring off the star QB of our football team or Brick breaking shit in the basement after a disappointing showing I know that all I want to do is live in this dream for the rest of my life. I hope that all these readers understand what BOX stands for and that they live the lifestyle that all BOX members and a few others get down with. It's late, but I'm about to bag a couple of Busch heavy's and take the long and arduous to BOX to get blackout, and hopefully when the fellas get back we can drink more, throw in a dip, and just live the way life is meant to be lived. I love you all and hopefully I'll be able to keep you updated with the going ons at BOX and let you all understand what it is to be a man. For now, take it easy and I'm sure you all will be here for the motherfucking tailgate on Saturday when WE all get smashed and let what may be will be. Love you all and thanks to BOX for giving me permission to let you all know how I live.

Sincerely,
The Friendly Neighborhood Drunk

Drunkest Man in America

There is a never-ending game we like to play here called "Drunkest Man in America". The game is simple: at any given point in any day, you drink and drink some more in an attempt to be the drunkest man in America at that time. The best thing about the game is that you don't even need anyone to play with you, for the title of drunkest man in America is always up for grabs. The other best part about the game is that there are no losers, for even though you essentially cannot win, you will undoubtedly wind up with a high level of inebriation.

We used to have a trophy here at BOX that was given to the drunkest man in BOX house at any given time. It could usually only be won by some act of debauchery that screamed out 'I'm blackout,' but just as easily could be handed off to the next man if he could somehow top the previous man's drunken behavior. Needless to say, the trophy suffered from constant drunken destruction and soon was out of commission.

The Drunkest Man game has been utilized little so far this year, but one act that occurred this past weekend reminded me of the glory this game could bring to one, and it has inspired me to renew the Drunkest Man game to new heights. This weekend, a BOX man who will remain nameless traveled west to Iowa for the football game. After what must have been a satisfactory amount of beers, this man wound up in the local jail, where it is rumored that his .333 blood alcohol content was pronounced to be "the highest BAC blown in town that entire weekend". Surely this man is probably not proud of this honor, but I am here to be proud for him. That is the definition of winning the drunkest man trophy.

Inspired by these courageous actions, I'm going to try and renew the Drunkest Man in BOX game. I'll try to post an update after each weekend naming the award-winner for that particular weekend, and then we can tally them up for when the 1st Semester Drunk awards come out.

To give you an example: Zola won the Drunkest Man in BOX game last night, judging from how he woke up on the floor using his laundry basket as his pillow this morning.

Let the race begin.

Your Favorite Tailgate Tradition?

Amongst the many hallowed traditions sacred to the BOX house on football Saturdays, the blog readers have voted that "field goal over the street light" is the favorite of all the gameday traditions. If you are a concerned reader, do not fret. I , too, was skeptical of allowing field goals to win over "blacking out before 10:00 a.m.". However, while I myself (Brick) voted for the blackout, I truly believe that others were voting for true "traditions". Let's be honest, at BOX, blacking out is no tradition, it's ritual, everyday routine. Kicking field goals (and even Thunderstruck, Keg Laps, etd.) is exclusive to football Saturdays. In other words, blacking out is expected, but field goal kicking can only happen on the eight greatest days of the year (for you dumbasses, the eight greatest holidays of the year are the football saturdays in Ann Arbor). Therefore, I endorse field goal kicking as the greatest tradition to BOX football Saturdays.

Not only does field goal kicking above the State and Hoover street signs qualify as a true tradition, but it can also be combined with the choice of "blacking out before 10 a.m.", considering that most all field goal kicks are completed before 10 a.m. Personally, I fully endorse blacking out circa 8 or 9 a.m. and then kicking the field goal -- both worlds are pleased.

GO BLUE.

Likes and Dislikes

Since I am boring and my life is uneventful, this post is dedicated to letting everyone know exactly what my likes and dislikes are. Enjoy.

Likes:
Talons
Jaffar
Eddie Money
Breakfast Hot Pockets
Glaciers
Roosters
William Tecumseh Sherman
Kinex
Gorgonites
Galgamecks
Chisels
The Jacksonian Era
Bangkok
Quilts
Jackhammers
Air Force One (the movie)
Sam Neill
Anyone with an O and an apostrophe to start their last name
Silly nicknames for genitals of both kinds
Big Things

Dislikes:
Jamborees
Chimes
Primates
Frisbees
Bearenstein Bears
Stained Glass
Philadelphia
Chris Pronger
Vegans
Henry Thoreau
Alchemy
Lazy Susans
Reeds/Cattails/Long Grass
Pulley Systems
Entomology
Flubber
Technology
Scandinavia
Broadsides
Options

The Sober Life

So the sober life is pretty much the worst thing in the world. It all began with a staph infection that was misdiagnosed twice by a couple of moron's at the UM hospital ER. They told me that I had the flu and a pulled groin. Unable to walk the next day without assistance and having a fever of 104 for the 3rd consecutive day, I went back to the hospital where they told me I had a hernia and the flu. They sent me home with a big bottle of pain killers and told me to wait for the surgery team to call me to set up my hernia surgery. In reality they told me to go home and die in my bed, because that is exactly what would have happened without divine (Ross Drath) intervention. Ross drove me to Grand Rapids so that I could see a doctor for my hernia surgery that day rather than waiting two weeks to see the doctor in Ann Arbor. It took the doctor about 45 seconds to inform me that I did not have a hernia and that I should go to the emergency room and get a cat scan. What the cat scan discovered were two massive abscesses filled with staph bacteria. Without medical intervention I had roughly 3 to 4 days to live. Thanks a lot UM. So After an 8 day hospital stay , a couple surgery type deals, and a miserable time I got released with an IV stuck in my arm pumping me full of antibiotics for the next 3 weeks. Fuck my life.

The only advantage of this new found sober state is that I am able to chronicle the hilarity of others. For example, last night I received a text message from my dearest bricky bear at 11:20pm stating, "And a jay z song was on!" I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed that I immediately recognized it as a line from the song Party in the U.S.A. by Miley Cyrus. He immediately followed that text message up by informing me that, "This aint a nashville party." Truer words have never been spoken. Brick and I also conversed at 4am when he informed me that he was in a house watching South Park, snorting adderall and was not positive whose house it was. It was a beautiful night.

Also in current news, I just received this gem of a text message from my sweet Gina after apparently taking my advice from last night and consuming an Extreme Danger Dane from Charlies. "I biologie i cant still jl I'm so drunk. You're aperone :-)" I do not have any idea what that means, but texts like this are what happens when you consume a large class full of nothing but four different kinds of Stoli.

Readers Choice: Your Favorite Alcoholic Beverage

Our inaugural poll has officially closed; the results are relatively unsurprising. Old Crow was the runaway favorite as your drink of choice at BOX, although Natty Ice and Camo Silver Ice had strong showings as well.

This week's poll: your favorite gameday tradition.

Enjoy your booze this weekend.