Texts to a girl

I found this on my roommates phone tonight:

Her: Are you all out or are you at White? can't get ***** to come out! Hes pocused on his keg
Him: I'm in *****'s situation too
Her: Hahah what? he keeps begging me to come over
Him: We'll go to *****'s
Her: Eh no I'm at home... way too far to walk in heels
Him: Got it.
Her: Are you mad at me for Thursday night?
Him: No that was great
Her: ??? I feel a little bit of sarcasm...
Him: None at all. I'm far to drunk to cum so your should have fun
Her: Um wow that was a bold assumption... I was just wondering...just because we hooked up doesn't mean that's always my intention
Him: Oh really! Because I really want to get coffee and talk politics. No sex ever!
Him: Actually I a huge gay. BTW.
Her: Ummm... I dont even know how to respond.. I tried to hang out and you freaked.. Don't make me out to be a ho
Him: Vaginas are icky
Her: What's your problem?
Him: I hate sex, I just want to cuddle.
Her: Ok... so you're being an ass for some reason. That's fine... enjoy yourself
Him: I'm not. It's just that I really want to talk about my feelings
Her: You're not funny... whatever you're trying to pull is just making you look like a huge ass
Him: I once dated a giant donkey. We were really close. We were going to move to Argentina together.
Her: Ok,Kewl. You're awesome.
Him: I am very awesome. What's you're name again? I hook up with alot of girls.